Osvaldo (No Menu) - 17th February 2012

This is the first BML outing to experience the invoking of the new “bring a friend” rule. In fact, owing to the close proximity of the venue (boon tat street) to the office, MG had invited 2 friends!

So a quick introduction on our club’s invited “friends”-

Jacqueline Sue
Age: early to mid 20s depending on whether make up is on.
Characteristics: Tardy, emo, light-hearted, and susceptible to circular logic at times.
Likes: Anything pink. Favourite character is Hello Kitty.






Joseph Festin
Age: early 30s no make up
Characteristics: Joker, bloke, seldom serious.
Likes: Eat, drink and be merry!

The day started inauspiciously for us, as club members were denied the right to our ride. (Dann argued that since it was so near, it did not make sense to drive and MG foolishly agreed) The pre BML flurry of emails gave it 2 thumbs down before the meal even started and MG was fore-warned that any slip up on the food would result in a swift SLASP vote. (Refresher: SLASP=sounds like a samolah place; Samolah = redo)

Upon arriving at the venue, a request was made to MG to consider ordering some wine to go along with the food especially since we had invited guests (self paying) whom we were looking to formally add to the club. A call was made to consider the exquisite Domaine Romanee Conti. But the response we got from MG (as expected) was even less responsive than praying to god for the TOTO winning ticket number. 

So we proceeded to order our lunch (whilst eating the rather ordinary bread), and were directed by MG to select only 1 main each and he would order a couple of sides to add to the meal. The shared side dishes were the burrata cheese and the calamari. I was actually rooting for the 1 kg bistecca to share, but MG was against the idea and was fervently supported by Dann (I suspect there was some back door quid pro quo going on between these 2 club goons prior to the engagement).

Collectively we ordered the beef cheek (MG), Snapper fillet (Bizman), Tagliatelle with Porcini mushrooms (CC), Lamb shank (Dann), Ossobucco (me), Spaghetti Vongole (Jac Sue), Carbonara (Festin).

For the shared starters, it was a thumbs up all round (except for Jac) for the burrata cheese,parma ham and sweet tomatoes. The soft fresh cheese is delicate with a rich milky taste, and has an unprocessed feel. A total antithesis to your processed kraft singles. (Side note: CC again wanted to comment on cheese that did not really taste like cheese…. What crap! Just because the few cheeses you’ve ever eaten tasted salty does not mean that a non salty cheese does not qualify to be cheese!)

The calamari was also well received. It was fried in light batter and was slightly crispy and not soggy with oil, which you sometime encounter with fried calamari. The tomato dip that accompanied the calamari went quite well with its slightly sweet and tangy taste.

Beef cheek was sizeable and had been impressively stewed to a soft texture. The accompanying gravy and mash went well, although the beef had a rather strong iron-like flavour, which may or may not be to the liking of some.

The lamb shank was quite delicious in my view and I had inadvertently taken a larger than I had intended tasting chunk from Dann’s plate. He was not pleased. The lamb flavour was not over-powering and the meat’s texture was well done. I did not get to try the mash or the organic carrot, as Dann was not in the mood to let me have any.

The Milanese style ossobucco I had was so-so. The saffron risotto was a tad on the dry and slightly undercooked side. The ossobucco’s texture itself was good but the flavour did not quite meet my expectations. A far cry from the few I tasted in Milan itself. The marrow however was intact and yummy!

As for the snapper fillet, it was ok. I suppose you cannot ask too much out of grilling a piece of snapper. I’d personally rather have a fish and chips style cod fillet anytime. Over the course of about 100+ BMLs our dear businessman seems to always choose the fish dish, and 9 out of 10 times he comes out disappointed. I wonder if it’s because he’s catholic (try not to eat meat on Fridays) or he’s got Alzheimer’s and always forgets that he’s been frequently disappointed by the fish dish or he’s just simply a sucker for disappointment.

For the pasta dishes, it was mostly downhill for the establishment from here on. The most decent was CC’s porcini pasta. The tagliatelle was cooked perfectly al-dente, and the sauce had a rich infusion of porcini flavour with fair amount of mushrooms.

The spaghetti vongole was a disappointment. The pasta did not seem to have soaked up any of the flavour and the whole dish seemed like it was made by an amateur. The clams however were fresh, but that was the only saving grace of the dish. (Note: this was the day’s special)

The carbonara was a total failure. The sauce was a tad too thick (could be some addition of cream) and  the whole dish was too salty and probably fit for someone suffering from chronic low-blood pressure. The pasta was ordinary. Prior to ordering we knew that it was unlikely that the La Strada Carbonara benchmark could be beaten (although we were hopeful since the price was the same!), but the loss was too wide to be mentioned here. It was shameful for an establishment like Osvaldo to serve such a dish.

We proceeded to call for the bill after being disallowed from ordering desert and were offered tasty complimentary pieces of meringue with cream, which sad to say was one of the better tasting items we had for the day.

In conclusion, this was not lousy enough to qualify for a SLASP, although for the price and quality, it was definitely a “not to return” venue. It was on the whole disappointing as no menu has had good reviews elsewhere, but seems to have fallen short of the expectations of our BMC.

Total damage was S$363.69 and this is where it got interesting. Assuming the bill was split evenly across 8 pax (6 members + 2 guests), the 2 invitees would refund MG a total of S$90.92, leaving MG with a spend of just S$272.77, which based on the EUR/SGD prevailing exchange rate at that time, MG’s minimum spend should actually total S$298.06.

The gap of S$25.29 would result in a penalty of 3x (based on club rules) to be added to the next BML meal, i.e. S$75.87. At this point MG claimed that he had been done in by the restaurant as the 2 pastas ordered by the invitees were supposed to be at least S$20 higher. He then offered to collect only $30 each from the 2 invitees (apparently Jac paid S$50 and did not receive any change), thus meeting his minimum spend by the barest of margins (what a bloody cheapo), or when pressed further, he said he would rather pay an extra $40 bucks to the establishment than do a top up for the next meal. So folks, now you see the true colour of MG!

MG’s actions kind of reminded me of a tale that was told to me by a wise old malay chap – a man was offered by god a wish for any gift he wanted on the condition that his neighbour would receive twice as much of that gift. Pondering on the offer for a moment, the man told god, in that case, make me blind in one eye.

All in all it was a disappointing meal organized by our most disappointing member, who happens to be our club VP (phooi phooi!).

By: Club Scribe